Blind

BLIND
By: Rose Barbour
 
Through sobs and tears

She kisses her son good-bye

In a hospital bed, she leaves his body behind

The pain is so great she’s losing her mind.

Good-bye sweet child

My boy in blue

You were everything to me

How will I go on without you?

Gone forever this gentle boy

Whose sparkling eyes were once filled with joy

But over the years they hollowed out

As he became a shell of his former self.

Each day, she put on a smile to hide the pain

Of a disease so painful it can’t be explained

She sat in agony each and every night

Wondering if her boy was doing alright.

Was he being cared for with a gentle hand?

Did anyone love her special man?

Would he meet a fate worse than death?

Would he be alone when he took his last breath?

Oh how she missed her boy, who he once was

That little boy so full of love

That band student playing an instrument so big

Smiling from ear to ear at every gig.

The beautiful cards he lovingly made

The flowers he picked on a summer’s day

That caring boy who made no waves

Was now a man she couldn’t save.

Though she did try to make it right

To give him hope to keep up the fight

He got sicker each day and lost his will

As he sought relief from another pill.

Addiction is cruel and has a high cost

Please pray for the moms who have loved and lost

They couldn’t save their children, though they did try

With broken hearts they wondered why, why, why.

Feeling alone in the crowd, she puts flowers on his grave

Saying one last good-bye as her tears came in waves

Who could understand this loss of a boy so kind

When the symptoms of the disease made people blind.

Blind to the person he was inside

Blind to the tears he cried at night

Blind to the way he hated himself

Blind to the way he truly felt.

Rest easy dear son you are now at peace

You are free of the chains that caused you grief

As for me, I am heartbroken and don’t want go on

But I will remember the happy times and try to be strong.

Love always, mom


http://shadowsinpei.blogspot.ca/2014/03/blind.html

This poem is dedicated to the parents who have lost their children to addiction. I hear their stories almost daily and my heart breaks for them. I could not imagine that kind of pain but I attempted to write about it here, using what I know about the pain of addiction. I hope that it helps others to understand what parents with addicted children deal with, and the great pain we face each day. God bless each and every one of you.

Please don't judge my son

Please Don't Judge My Son
By: Rose Barbour 

There’s an unshakable ache inside my heart

The words you say that tear me apart

While you see a junkie and scum of the earth

I see the child who I’ve loved since birth.

I love him today as much as I did then

That you judge him so cruelly is an absolute sin

You look in disgust at my sick young man

When you could instead, make him feel worthy again.

With your cruel words, you keep him down

There’s no place for “them” in this nice town

You’d rather see him suffer another day

Than to lend a helping hand and lead the way.

What you don’t understand or seem to know

Is that attitudes like yours cause it to grow

A compassionate society will kill this disease

That thrives in shame, secrecy and general unease.

So many are dying, while some are barely alive

Simply existing in the world trying to survive

A slave to a disease that knows no bounds

As we turn a blind eye, it is making its rounds.

Let’s talk about it and bring it into the light

Let’s not let it win, together let’s fight

Let’s stop the judging and our misguided hate

Let’s open our arms to those we underrate.

Please give my boy hope and all the others

That we won’t stand by and lose another

We want them to get well and will do what it takes

To bring them back home for all our sakes.

Rose Barbour

http://shadowsinpei.blogspot.ca/2014/03/please-dont-judge-my-son.html

I love you bean

When your child has an addiction, nothing is normal. The things that are supposed to bring joy to families usually end up bringing stress to yours. This is a story about one of those times....

It all started with a Facebook status from my son’s girlfriend that caught my eye.

“I am so excited”. 

I wondered what it was that was so exciting. Was she getting into detox? Was he?

About an hour later, a status update appeared from my son, “I love you bean.”

My mother’s intuition was working in overdrive. I knew immediately what was going on. She was pregnant. I was sick. Just sick! This can’t be happening. Haven’t we all been through enough?!

I needed to call my best friend, my rock, my husband. I told him, “I am sick to my stomach. I think they are going to have a baby.”

After I filled him in, Mike asked me not to jump to conclusions or go into panic mode until we hear it directly from them.

I couldn’t get it off my mind. I was in stress mode x 1,000.

I received a text from my son, “Are you and dad going to be home tonight? We are going to drop by for a visit.”

Oh dear God! This confirmed it. They were coming to tell us the “exciting” news.

The thought that kept running through my mind is that our son was dealing with an addiction even though he was raised in a home that was drug and alcohol free. What chance would this child have when being raised by two parents who were sick with addiction with no help in sight?

I responded to his text to tell him that I knew exactly why he was coming over, and that I was too upset to talk about it. I needed a day or two to come to terms with it.

He asked what I thought was the reason for his visit, and I told him.

He was shocked that I knew already. “Who told you? I wanted to be the one to tell you.”

He was excited about the baby, which made it hard for him to understand my devastation. I suppose he always dreamed he would get a positive response when he told us that he was going to be a father.

I was so distraught that I couldn’t face him, at least not right away. I cried until I had no tears left. Do you think this was our dream for our child or our grandchild? I think not!

The next day, I was still feeling pretty devastated. Like anything in life, I knew that I would come to terms with this but it killed me to know that an innocent child, who I would love dearly, was going to be born into this world of addiction. A world that was so hard.

His girlfriend sent me a text late in the morning to tell me that she wasn’t pregnant after all. Her home pregnancy test had been wrong. The one from the doctor’s office came back negative!  

I rushed outside to get some fresh air. I couldn’t stop shaking and crying. My emotions went from one extreme to the next in a matter of seconds. Devastation to jubilation. My body was reacting to it.

This is the life of parents with addicted children.

Sincerely,

Rose

Important note: While it worked out for us this time, many children are born into this type of situation. That’s why it is imperative that the appropriate help is available. When you help an individual battling addiction, you help their whole family, including their precious children.