Updates and Opportunities

I can’t believe how long it has been since I last posted! Time certainly does fly by when you’re busy enjoying this beautiful gift of life.

Although I hadn’t written in my blog for a while, I continued to keep busy in my advocacy and other addictions work so I thought I’d give you a bit of an update on some of the things I've been doing. Please note the opportunities for you to get involved if you wish to do so.

Our SMART Recovery meetings are going great thanks to our wonderful team of facilitators and, most importantly, the inspiring individuals who attend our meetings. We’ve met some amazing people, and I know I speak for every member of our team when I say that we want them all to make it. Being a SMART Recovery facilitator is truly one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done.  We’ll be holding another information session soon for anyone interested in learning more about becoming a facilitator. Please check back for details.

Nicole Publicover and I had the opportunity to meet with the residents of both Talbot House and Lacey House recently to share information with them about SMART Recovery. The residents and staff at both homes made us feel so welcome. We’ve received tremendous support for SMART Recovery from the management and staff of addictions services who are glad that their clients now have even more programs available to support their recoveries. There are great people working in the system, that’s for sure. We are grateful for their support.  

I also keep busy as a member of PEI’s Mental Health and Addictions Advisory Council. It has been a great experience and I look forward to putting our recommendations forward when the time comes. I will be forever grateful to Health Minister Doug Currie and Chief Mental Health and Addictions Officer Dr. Rhonda Matters for offering me a seat at the table even though I’d spent a couple of years (at that time) in the public eye exposing the gaps in the system, which I painfully discovered when my son tried to access help. I was critical of the government’s handling of the mental health and addictions file, which desperately needed an investment. Minister Currie could have chosen someone who has never been a thorn in his side, but he didn’t. That meant a lot to me and said a lot about the level of commitment to this important cause. There have been a lot of improvements over the past couple of years but there’s still work to do!

Roni Wakelin Power and I are partnering with a national organization to host a couple of free events in the fall (one for professionals and one for the public). We’ve been busy working out the details, including picking the topic that we felt would be most beneficial and a speaker who is well-versed in that area. The national organization is covering the expenses, including flying in the guest speaker. We’ll have local speakers as well. This is a wonderful opportunity for our Island community. Stay tuned for more details!

Roni and I are regular guest speakers at Jim Good’s family program at the Provincial Addictions Treatment Facility in Mt. Herbert. We spoke to another one of his groups this summer. It feels good to share information and spread some hope. We’ve both sat in those chairs at one time or another and know how helpless and scared we felt at that time. We want the families to know they are not alone and that there is hope for recovery for them and their loved ones.

Nicole and I also had the opportunity to be guest speakers in one of my daughter’s high school classes in June. The topic was mental health. I think I was more nervous about this talk than any of the others I’d given (except for my very first one) because my daughter was going to hear me speak publicly for the first time. It went well and the students were engaged. My daughter and her partner did such a great job with their part of the presentation. I was a proud mom that day (and everyday!).

I recently received word that a story I had submitted to “Chicken Soup for the Soul” has made it to the final selection round. I still have to pinch myself. I can’t believe it! My story is about addiction but the topic of the book is something else altogether. This means that if my story makes it into the book, I will reach many people who may or may not have any experience with addiction. This is a wonderful opportunity to open minds and hearts. I should know in September whether or not the story will be in the book. Fingers crossed!

I saved the best update for last! Our son is now 22 months into his recovery and doing great. He graduated from Holland College in the spring and is now working and enjoying all of the things that life has to offer. We were so proud to watch him walk across the stage at the graduation ceremony to get his diploma. That piece of paper represents so much more than the new skills and knowledge he’s acquired in his field. It represents hope and love and all that is possible in recovery. We are truly blessed. Individuals can and do recover. Never give up!

I hope to see you at our next SMART Recovery Facilitator session and/or at our public event in the fall! Together we can make a difference.

Enjoy the rest of the summer!

Sincerely,

Rose

Mama, Don't Give Up!

This song came to me one night. The words kept running through my head all day until I put them down on paper. While I write a lot of poetry about our family’s experience with addiction, this is the first time a song came to me. It was also strange that it came in the voice of a person struggling with addiction who wants recovery, rather than in the voice of a mother, which is the voice I use in my writings. Because it was such a different experience, I didn’t know what to make of it. I sent it to JD to see what he thought. He worked his magic and turned it into this beautiful song that is simple like it was in my dream but, hopefully, powerful as well. The struggle is very real for our loved ones. We hope this song gives them a voice, even if it is just a small one. We hope you like it!

Mama, Don’t Give Up!

By: Rose Barbour

I’m dying on the outside

And screaming within

It’s a deadly game

That no one wins.

The people that I’ve hurt

At every turn

The roads I’ve travelled

The bridges I’ve burned.

Mama, I hurt so bad

From this life I’m living

The addiction that I have

Is so unforgiving.

Through the darkness

There’s a glimmer of hope  

That I might break free

If I can somehow cope.

With nothing to lose

I’m taking control

Reclaiming my life  

And my heart and soul.

Chorus

Mama, I hurt so bad 

From this life I’m living

The addiction that I have

Is so unforgiving.

Please forgive me

For the pain I’ve caused

I hate myself

But I was so damn lost.

Turning a nightmare

Into a dream

The power is in me

I want to believe.

So, Mama, don’t give up

I am on my way

Keep your hope alive 

And continue to pray.

Who I was

Is not who you see

This life is hell

It has hardened me.

Please forgive me

For the pain I've caused  

I hated myself

But I was so damn lost.

So, Mama, don’t give up

I am on my way

Keep your hope alive 

And continue to pray.

Song Lyrics by Rose Barbour

Music by JD White

http://shadowsinpei.blogspot.ca/2015/04/mama-dont-give-up.html

SMART Recovery is growing!

We are so pleased to announce that we now have 3 SMART Recovery meetings in Queen’s County:

Mondays at 7:00 at the Reach Centre in Stratford

Wednesdays at 7:00 at the Trinity United Church (Richmond Street Entrance), 2^nd Floor, Classroom 12

Saturdays at 2:30 at Mt. Herbert Addictions Treatment Facility (this is a closed group for patients only)

We currently have several people registered to become facilitators and many others who are interested. We are hoping that by the summer time we will have SMART Recovery meetings most nights of the week.

We are holding an information session on Saturday, April 11^th from 1 to 3 for people who are signed up for the facilitator training or interested in it. If you would like to attend, please RSVP to Rose at behindtheaddiction@gmail.com or Nicole at 902-620-0000.

We need people from all over the Island to volunteer so that we can bring this wonderful program to all Islanders who need it. If you want to make a difference in your community, this is a good opportunity to do so. There is not one community that hasn’t been impacted by addictions in some way.

Here is the SMART Recovery website where you can learn more about the program: http://www.smartrecovery.org/ 

Come out and join our SMART Recovery PEI team! 

Silent Screams

Silent Screams

By: Rose Barbour

The storm clouds are all around her

She prays they’ll go away

The blue sky of yesterday

Is now an ominous gray.

The wind is picking up

Through the streets she roams

Looking for her child

So she can bring him home.

The lightning spreads across the sky

Threatening to strike

She fears for his safety

Her chest is feeling tight.

She can’t find him anywhere

The streets are so mean

She looks to the sky and weeps

God, help me please!

Her cries are drowned out

By the chaos all around

The rain is beating down on her

While the thunder pounds.

She takes refuge from the storm

Needing a new plan

Questioning a life

That is so hard to understand.

She slowly starts to leave

Hanging tight to her phone

Shaking like a leaf

And feeling so alone.

There’s no family she can call

No friends to lend an ear

Just her silent screams

And a pillow full of tears.

Addiction has stolen her child

And it mocks her love

It hurts like hell

But she’ll never give up.

Written by:

Rose Barbour

http://shadowsinpei.blogspot.ca/2015/03/silent-screams.html

While the journey with an addicted child is like being caught up in a terrifying and threatening storm that we have no control over, we can never lose hope. Individuals and families do recover.....all the time. Never give up!

Rock Bottom

Rock bottom is a sad and hopeless place where the tears flow freely and energy, peace and happiness are but a memory. I found myself there after years of dealing with my son’s addiction.

I am a take charge type of person so when I found out that my son was struggling with addiction I naturally jumped into action trying to help him. Sadly, no matter what I tried to do or how much encouragement I provided, it didn’t work. His drug use continued to escalate causing his mental, emotional and physical health to spiral down even further, and mine did, too. I was out of ideas and out of hope.

I couldn’t stand to see my son self-destructing. I worried every day that he would die. This constant worrying affected my mental health. The lady who many people have described as “the most positive person I have ever met” was dealing with depression. I was shocked with the diagnosis but as I reflected on how I was feeling, it began to make sense.

I didn’t like rock bottom; not at all. I wanted out of there and fast! I knew that I wasn’t going to be any good to my son, my other children or my husband if I was sick and couldn’t get out of bed. I needed to do something. Knowing that I had no control over my son, I started focusing my energy on the one person that I could control: me.

My first step to my own recovery was to reach out to other families who were dealing with addiction. There is something very healing about being around people who understand. They don’t judge because they, too, found out the hard way that this can happen to any family.

My husband and I also got educated quickly about addiction. When it comes to this misunderstood and stigmatized illness, education is very important. As family members, we are better equipped for the difficult journey when we know and understand what we are up against.  

In our search for information, we looked for credible sources just like we would if our son had any other serious health issue. The more my husband and I learned the more effective we became at parenting our son through his addiction while maintaining a healthy and close relationship with him. Of course, there are never any guarantees. Sadly, some of the most loving parents educated in addiction have lost children. One thing is for sure, though, family members have nothing to lose by getting educated.

Today, I am healthy, informed and empowered, and rock bottom is but a memory. As for my son, he got the help that he needed and is now 17-months into his recovery and a full-time college student. He is healthy and happy and his life is moving forward. We are so grateful for the gift of recovery.

Never give up.

Sincerely,

Rose

SMART Recovery on PEI

I am happy to tell you that Islanders now have options when it comes to recovery programs. Like many others, our son did not care for 12-step meetings like NA. While they have helped millions of people to find recovery, the format was not for him. However, 12-step meetings seemed to be the only option around, leaving people like my son with no outside support system that they could relate to.

While searching for an alternative program, I found SMART Recovery. I thought it sounded great. It is not a 12-step program so Islanders would have a choice.  It would also be a good complement to AA/NA for those who have found recovery there.  It wasn’t offered here on PEI so I took the training with the plan to start a meeting. Here is some additional information on the program:

SMART stands for “Self-Management and Recovery Training”.  

4-POINT PROGRAM

Their 4-Point Program offers tools and techniques for each point:

1. Building and Maintaining Motivation

2. Coping with Urges

3. Managing Thoughts, Feelings and Behaviours

4. Living a Balanced Life

THE APPROACH

• Teaches self-empowerment and self-reliance.

• Provides meetings that are educational, supportive and include open discussions.

• Encourages individuals to recover from addiction and alcohol abuse and live satisfying lives.

• Teaches techniques for self-directed change.

• Supports the scientifically informed use of psychological treatments and legally prescribed psychiatric and addiction medication.

• Works on substance abuse, alcohol abuse, addiction and drug abuse as complex maladaptive behaviors with possible physiological factors.

• Evolves as scientific knowledge in addiction recovery evolves.

• Differs from Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous and other 12-step programs.

SMART RECOVERY VS 12-STEPS

SMART Recovery has a scientific foundation, not a spiritual one. The program teaches increasing self-reliance, rather than powerlessness. The meetings are discussion meetings in which individuals talk with one another, rather than to one another. They encourage attendance for months to years, but probably not a lifetime. There are no sponsors in SMART Recovery.  They also discourage use of labels such as "alcoholic" or "addict".

I know many people who have found recovery in the rooms of 12-step meetings. The comparison above is just that - a comparison. It is by no means saying that one type of meeting or method is better than the other. It is only meant to show the differences. You may actually enjoy both types of meetings. In the end, we all want recovery for you. You can decide what's right for you. 

Nicole Publicover, the wonderful youth addictions worker at the Reach Centre, and I are both now trained in SMART Recovery, and we are so pleased to be bringing it to PEI. The first meeting will be held on Monday, February 9^th at the Reach Centre, 223 Mason Road in Stratford. We will be offering childcare and transportation from Charlottetown for those who need it. If you need either of these services, please send me an email at behindtheaddiction@gmail.com to make arrangements.

Sincerely,
Rose

Here is our recent interview with CBC’s Karen Mair where we discuss the SMART Recovery program:

Anthony's Act: A Loving Tribute

I received an email yesterday from Valerie Fiore, a mother who lost her son to addiction. So heartbreaking! She was wondering if I would write a poem about her son, Anthony. Gulp! My poetry comes from a deep place in my heart because it is about my son and my experience as a parent. I’ve never tried to write about someone else, a stranger, although I know that many of our journeys are very similar. I didn't want to let her down or promise something that I couldn't deliver. I said that I would try and, hopefully, something would come to me.

Valerie sent me some information about Anthony, and it touched my heart. We were off to a good start! I downloaded a photo of him and put it in my Word document for inspiration. He was so beautiful, just like all of our kids. I prayed last night for the words that would properly capture this young man’s essence and his life’s journey. I sat down today to write and the words came to me and so did the tears. I am so grateful and relieved that I was able to give this to her.

Please read the poem (written from Valerie to Anthony), then sign the petition and share with your friends. Together, we can make a difference.

Anthony’s Act

A beautiful blessing, my dark-haired boy

Sent from above, full of love and joy.

The years passed quickly, with my little cub scout

A very bright boy, never going without.

Vacations filled with laughter, and lots of plans

Lazy days at the beach, on Florida’s white sands.

A normal childhood, in a loving home

This was Anthony’s life, before he began to roam.

He reached that age, where independence is sought

Looking for acceptance, but it would be hard fought.

Bullies and rejection, took the joy from his heart

No longer feeling worthy, he began to fall apart.

Keeping the pain to himself, he did the best he could

To find a place to belong, but the situation wasn’t good.

Slipping further away, our boy became distant

His drug use escalated, in what seemed like an instant.

He made it to college, where things became worse

Pills became a memory, with the heroin curse.

Hearing this news, we picked up our son

Badly needing treatment, if this battle was to be won.

Ninety days of inpatient, gives them the best chance

But, insurance doesn’t cover this; it is a life and death dance.

The short-term stays were not enough, our boy needed longer

Recovery homes in unhealthy areas, made the cravings stronger.

We fought all we could, and begged and pleaded

Please keep our boy, give him what is needed.

After a tough six year battle, he began to heal

For eight wonderful months, it hardly seemed real.

Laughing again, and calling me mudder

Spending time with Nick, his beloved little brother.

A new job and car, and cooking meals for his pack

So thankful to God, I cried, “I got my Anthony back”.

We began to feel hopeful, that this time he may have made it

But hope turned to despair, when I found him in our basement.

Good-bye our dear Anthony, you are loved beyond words

I miss your beautiful smile, and your laughter, now unheard.

Your life had meaning, you didn’t die in vain

In your memory we fight, to save others from this pain.

We made a promise to you, son; a solid pact

That we would make a difference, through the Anthony’s Act.

We will not let one more suffer, as companies earn high profits

In your name, we stand, as we try to stop it.

Written by: Rose Barbour in memory of Anthony and all those who’ve been lost to this terrible epidemic and those still in the trenches. Things need to change. Please sign the petition! http://petitions.moveon.org/sign/anthonys-act