I’m
Tired Dear Lord
By: Rose Barbour
I can no longer carry the weight
Of such a heavy burden
I’m tired Dear Lord
And my heart is hurting.
That little child you gave to me
Who I love beyond words
Is now someone I don’t
recognize
Flying higher than the birds.
He is a slave to a disease
That is so very cruel
Lord, I’m trying to protect him
Isn’t that the rule?
In complete desperation
I stay up late each night
Praying for the answers
But I just can’t make it right.
Everything I’ve tried has failed
His addiction keeps on winning
I’m on a roller coaster ride
And my head is spinning.
I am exhausted, sad and
Have nothing left to give
I ask you Dear Lord
Please let my child live.
Save him from the grips
Of the demon’s hands
Please bring him back home to me
For I no longer can.
A mother’s love is a blessing
But sometimes it’s not enough
I need some help from you, Lord
This life can be so tough.
Please give me guidance
On what I’m supposed to do
Please help my heart to heal
From all it has been through.
I’ve met so many great parents
Who are living through this
hell
Please open your arms to them
And heal their hearts as well.
Amen
The
Heart of a Mother
By Rose Barbour
With her broken heart
She prays each night
Hoping for the day
That her child will see the
light.
Feeling alone in the darkness
Her heart can hardly bear
The thought of her child
Sleeping on the street
somewhere.
There is no rest for the weary
As one crisis follows another
The pain runs deep
In the heart of a mother.
Not much help to be had
Only stigma and shame
As she suffers in silence
In this deadly game.
The strain on her family
And relationships, too
But, she loves her child
What is she supposed to do?
It takes a strong mother
To love one with addiction
Why she was chosen
I believe, is God’s
recognition.
He knew she could handle it
He knew the depths of her love
He knew he could trust her
With His child from above.
This nightmare may have made her
Question her faith
But, I have no doubt that in
Heaven
For her, God has a special
place.
Written by: Rose Barbour
BEAUTIFUL SONG VERSION: The Heart of a Mother on You Tube
Mama,
don’t give up!
By Rose Barbour
Mama, I hurt so bad
From this life I’m living
The addiction that I have
Is so unforgiving.
Who I was
Is not who you see
This life is hell
It has hardened me.
I’m dying on the outside
And screaming within
It’s a deadly game
That no one wins.
The people I’ve hurt
At every turn
The roads I’ve travelled
The bridges I’ve burned.
Please forgive me
For the pain I’ve caused
I hate myself
But I was so damn lost.
Through the darkness
There’s a glimmer of hope
That I might break free
If I can somehow cope.
With nothing to lose
I’m taking control
Reclaiming my life
And my heart and soul.
Turning a nightmare
Into a dream
The power is in me
I want to believe.
So, Mama, don’t give up
I’m on my way
Keep your hope alive
And continue to pray.
Written
by: Rose Barbour
BEAUTIFUL SONG VERSION by JD white: https://youtu.be/Y6mSA_8p7Ns
I Will Never Give Up
By: Rose
Barbour
Say what you
will and think what you might
As long as
my child still breathes
I will never
give up
Put him down
if that makes you feel better
As long as
my child’s heart still beats
I will never
give up
Call him
terrible names and yourself a Christian
As long as
my child still walks this earth
I will never
give up
Judge him
harshly if you are so perfect
As long as I
am still breathing
I will never
give up
Say he
deserves to die or go to prison
As long as
my heart is still beating
I will never
give up
Look down on
him as if he doesn’t matter
As long as I
am still walking this earth
I will never
give up
Your
ignorance and hate will not change my love
I am his
mother
I will never
give up!
Dedicated to all the parents on this difficult
journey. Where there is life, there is hope. We can never give up!
Deeper than the hurt
By Rose Barbour
This can’t be happening to us
It seems so unfair
A home full of love
How did it get in here?
Claimed by a disease
Ruthless and cold
My child is in a dark world
Where souls are sold.
It is hell on earth
Watching my baby slowly die
God please help us
I don’t want to say good-bye.
So many sleepless nights
Spent tossing and turning
I’m praying for a miracle
My stomach keeps churning.
There are no guarantees
Some will never get well
This life is hard
It is worse than hell.
But despite the heartache
And all the work
I love my child
Deeper than the hurt.
TRIBUTE TO MOTHER WARRIORS
By: Rose
Barbour
She will not
receive a visit
Her
telephone won’t ring
Another
mother warrior
Feeling the
sting.
Addiction
stole her child
His sparkle
all but gone
Another
mother warrior
Wondering
what went wrong.
With love as
deep as the ocean
And a lot of
faith
Another
mother warrior
Prays and
waits.
In a jail
cell he sits
At home she
weeps
Another
mother warrior
With a child
in deep.
To a grave
site she goes
A weekly
visit and cry
Another
mother warrior
Wanting to
die.
A mother to
a grandchild
She fills
that role
Another
mother warrior
Protecting a
young soul.
She sees the
signs
A relapse is
here
Another
mother warrior
Living in
fear.
Cautiously
optimistic
She listens
to his plans
Another
mother warrior
Praying for
her young man.
Colour in
his cheeks
A smile on
his face
Another mother
warrior
Every moment
she’ll embrace.
Living with
pain
That is deep
and true
Another
mother warrior
Helps her
family through.
Deserving of
this time
To let your
worries float away
YOU are a
mother warrior
Each and every day!
~Rose
Barbour
Silent Screams
By: Rose Barbour
The storm clouds are all around her
She prays they’ll go away
The blue sky of yesterday
Is now an ominous gray.
The wind is picking up
Through the streets she roams
Looking for her child
So she can bring him home.
The lightning spreads across the sky
Threatening to strike
She fears for his safety
Her chest is feeling tight.
She can’t find him anywhere
The streets are so mean
She looks to the sky and weeps
God, help me please!
Her cries are drowned out
By the chaos all around
The rain is beating down on her
While the thunder pounds.
She takes refuge from the storm
Needing a new plan
Questioning a life
That is so hard to understand.
She slowly starts to leave
Hanging tight to her phone
Shaking like a leaf
And feeling so alone.
There’s no family she can call
No friends to lend an ear
Just her silent screams
And a pillow full of tears.
Addiction has stolen her child
And it mocks her love
It hurts like hell
But she’ll never give up.
Written by:
Rose Barbour
BLIND
By: Rose Barbour
Through sobs and tears
She kisses her son good-bye
In a hospital bed, she leaves his
body behind
The pain is so great she’s
losing her mind.
Good-bye sweet child
My boy in blue
You were everything to me
How will I go on without you?
Gone forever this gentle boy
Whose sparkling eyes were once
filled with joy
But over the years they hollowed
out
As he became a shell of his
former self.
Each day, she put on a smile to hide the pain
Of a disease so painful it can’t
be explained
She sat in agony each and every
night
Wondering if her boy was doing alright.
Was he being cared for with a gentle hand?
Did anyone love her special man?
Would he meet a fate worse than
death?
Would he be alone when he took
his last breath?
Oh how she missed her boy, who he once was
That little boy so full of love
That band student playing an
instrument so big
Smiling from ear to ear at every
gig.
The beautiful cards he lovingly made
The flowers he picked on a summer’s
day
That caring boy who made no
waves
Was now a man she couldn’t
save.
Though she did try to make it right
To give him hope to keep up the
fight
He got sicker each day and lost
his will
As he sought relief from
another pill.
Addiction is cruel and has a high cost
Please pray for the moms who
have loved and lost
They couldn’t save their
children, though they did try
With broken hearts they wondered
why, why, why.
Feeling alone in the crowd, she puts flowers on his grave
Saying one last good-bye as her
tears came in waves
Who could understand this loss
of a boy so kind
When the symptoms of the
disease made people blind.
Blind to the person he was inside
Blind to the tears he cried at
night
Blind to the way he hated
himself
Blind to the way he truly felt.
Rest easy dear son you are now at peace
You are free of the chains that
caused you grief
As for me, I am heartbroken and
don’t want go on
But I will remember the happy
times and try to be strong.
The
Mask
By: Rose Barbour
After another sleepless night
Filled with worry and regret
She has to start her day
My God, is it over yet?
She gets out of the shower
Leaves her face bare
She doesn’t have the energy
To even style her hair.
She runs a brush through
Pulls it up off her face
Life is so damn hard
She wants out of this place.
She is ready to go
“Where is it?” she asks
Oh, there it is
Her happy mask.
It has become a part of her
An essential piece
She doesn’t leave home without
it
Oh, the secrets that it keeps.
It hides her devastation
The sadness in her eyes
It makes her look happy
It stifles her cries.
The mask throws them off
With its smile so sincere
No one seems to notice
That she is barely there.
She suffers in silence
Behind the smiling mask
She wants to be left alone
That’s all she asks.
In a moment of weakness
A wayward tear falls
The mask is cracking
She’s going to lose it all.
Her friend comes over
Are you okay?
She can’t tell her the truth
There’s no way.
She won’t understand
The pain of an addicted child
She won’t understand
How her life’s gone wild.
How she cries herself
To sleep each night
Dwelling
on a life
That just
isn’t right.
She doesn’t even know
Where her child is
He could be dead
How do you explain this?
She tries to say
I’m fine, I’m okay
But her friend insists
And she won’t go away.
She decides to open up
She takes off her mask
Her friend listens intently
Right to the very last.
As she sobs with grief
Her friend takes her hand
Removes her own mask
And says “I understand”
Written by: Rose Barbour
http://shadowsinpei.blogspot.ca/2014/06/the-mask.html
The Bridge
By: Rose
Barbour
Addiction is
killing her boy
But she’s
told to let go
How can she
do that?
She does not
know.
In the midst
of her pain
With all the
tears
She reads
about a bridge
And it eases
her fears.
She can
picture it there
Leading from
darkness to light
Taking them
to a better place
Where hope
shines bright.
She knows
they won’t make it
In this
place of grief and despair
She wants
him to leave with her
But he is
too unaware.
He can’t see
the bridge
Though she
tries to show him
He can’t
imagine such a place
Where hope
keeps on growing.
To help him
to see
She has to
try something new
Crossing the
bridge
Feels like
the right thing to do.
This will be
a leap of faith
Unlike any
other
It tears at
the heart strings
Of his
loving mother.
As she
crosses the bridge
She prays he
will join her
She
encourages him daily
To please
come on over.
When he
finally arrived
Her heart
was full of love
She looked
to the skies
And thanked
God above.
Written by:
Rose Barbour
To my addicted child on Mother's Day
By: Rose Barbour
You are that little baby I lovingly carried for nine months,
You are that little baby I lovingly carried for nine months,
That little child who was so kind, caring,
and sweet,
That beautiful youth with so much potential
and promise,
Those were wonderful years that made being a
mom so easy.
Now, you are lost to an addiction that many
don’t understand,
While they don’t see the love and promise you
have inside of you, I do,
I loved you at every stage,
And I’ll continue to love you at every age,
I don’t know why we were given the experience
of so much pain,
But I’ll stand by you in the sunshine and the
rain,
As I look around me on this Mother’s Day,
Seeing other moms enjoying the fruits of
their labour,
With children who are now independent and
living a good life,
It makes my heart ache because that should be
us,
It just seems so unfair when I love you so
much,
However, I realize that we are on a different
journey than other families are,
But, when we come through it, we will be even
stronger,
I am proud to be your mother because I know
your heart is good,
I look forward to the day when you find your
way back,
And we are living life as we should.
Personal
note to all of my children: I will ALWAYS love you and am so proud to be
called your mom.
Please Don’t Judge My Son
By: Rose
Barbour
There’s an
unshakable ache inside my heart
The words
you say that tear me apart
While you
see a junkie and scum of the earth
I see the
child who I’ve loved since birth.
I love him
today as much as I did then
That you
judge him so cruelly is an absolute sin
You look in
disgust at my sick young man
When you
could instead, make him feel worthy again.
With your
cruel words, you keep him down
There’s no
place for “them” in this nice town
You’d rather
see him suffer another day
Than to lend
a helping hand and lead the way.
What you
don’t understand or seem to know
Is that
attitudes like yours cause it to grow
A
compassionate society will kill this disease
That thrives
in shame, secrecy and general unease.
So many are
dying, while some are barely alive
Simply
existing in the world trying to survive
A slave to a
disease that knows no bounds
As we turn a
blind eye, it is making its rounds.
Let’s talk about
it and bring it into the light
Let’s not
let it win, together let’s fight
Let’s stop
the judging and our misguided hate
Let’s open
our arms to those we underrate.
Please give
my boy hope and all the others
That we
won’t stand by and lose another
We want them
to get well and will do what it takes
To bring
them back home for all our sakes.
Rose Barbour
http://shadowsinpei.blogspot.ca/2014/03/please-dont-judge-my-son.html
With
love, Opiate
By: Rose Barbour
I have never been so popular
I have never been so popular
So important
and grand
I have never
been so involved
With youth
across this great land.
I started
out as a simple pill
That would
take away great pain
As I was
hailed a hero and celebrated
My makers
saw gain.
This was the
beginning of my rise
And the
start of your fall
Billions of
dollars were made
While I
hooked you all.
I hooked you
in my web
Of lies and
deceit
I made you
trust me
While people
died at your feet.
You trusted
in my greatness
Said those
people were weak
They could
stop if they wanted to
Their morals
were bleak.
I was a good
thing you said
For pains of
all type
You bought
into the marketing
And all of
the hype.
Those who I
hooked
Would try to
speak out
To warn you
of my dangers
But you were
devout.
You would
not listen to them,
They were
not raised right
They were
bad people
Who deserved
this fight.
Did they not
choose me?
Why do they
not quit?
You
underestimate my power
Although it
is legit.
I enjoy your
partnership
As I spread
across the land
I couldn’t
do it without you
I hope you
understand.
I want you
to know
That you are
the best
Thank you
for your support
To Hell with
the rest.
As people
turn a blind eye
To my
devastating ways
I will
continue to grow
In
surprising ways.
I destroy
the young
I destroy
the old
I destroy
communities
But I am not
cold.
I take care
of my friends
Making them
lots of money
That you
side with me
Is rather
funny.
Because I
cost you money
Each and every
day
As you pay
for my destruction
Every step
of the way.
Your courts,
your jails
Your
hospitals too
I cost them
all
Many thanks
to you.
Without your
support
I could not
win
Without your
support
The trouble
I’d be in.
Your
neighbours would get well
and try to
break free
But don’t
worry, they can’t get past
Our team -
you and me.
I know that
you will keep those who I ravish
Hidden in
shame
You will
never let them forget
That they
are to blame.
While I
steal their lives
Their
families, their health
You’ll shake your head
While I roll
in wealth.
They won’t
dare say a word
With your
judging eyes
They won’t
dare ask for help
While you
shame their cries.
With the
silence brought on
By your
judging words
I‘ll seek
out more victims
Their cries
barely heard.
The people
who could destroy me
With a solid
action plan
Will invest
in other things
Not his
fellow man.
Your
indifference, your stigma
Your
judging, your hate
Have allowed
me to flourish
Far from
Heaven’s gate.
Now I have
grown
Beyond my
wildest dreams
I will
continue to prosper
Or so it
seems.
I have so
many to thank
For my
continued success
From the
bottom of my heart
Thank you -
you're the best.
I couldn’t
have done it without you
The
destruction, the deaths
The stigma,
the shame,
The silence,
the quest.
Please keep
yourself uninformed,
And your
judging eyes turned on,
I have great
plans for glory
If you help
me along.
You’ll have
many opportunities
To stand by
my side
As I ravish
your young people
And destroy
many lives.
Just keep
placing blame
Their
parents, their homes,
This will
ensure silence
While I
continue to roam.
Well, I have
to run
I spotted a
teen all alone
On the
schoolyard close
To his
family home.
He looks
like a nice kid
From a
fairly good place
While they
are the greatest challenge
With me no
one is safe.
I will
introduce him
To my
charming ways
He’ll love
me forever
Until the end of his days.
So, until
next time
It is
good-bye to you
My friend,
my partner
My dream
come true.
Hey there
kid.....
With love,
Opiate
Written by
Rose Barbour
http://shadowsinpei.blogspot.ca/2013/09/with-love-opiate.html
By: Rose Barbour
What a precious child
On that day I made a promise
I protected her from bugs
I fixed bicycles and wagons
She was happy and safe
But there came a day
She no longer wanted to spend time
I could feel it in my gut
One day I found the problem
No please, not my girl
Addiction has claimed her
Let daddy’s arms embrace you
Take my hand and let me lead
“Daddy, I love you
I am still your little girl
Enough about me
You are the best a girl could ask for
Dedicated to all the dads on this journey who tend to be quieter, but who hurt just as much.
Written by: Rose Barbour
http://shadowsinpei.blogspot.ca/2014/06/daddy-i-love-you.html
A Tribute to Sage Capozzi
By: Rose Barbour
His name is Sage
Before I knew his name
I knew my son was sick
Along came Carmen
My heart broke for Carmen
The reality of addiction
At the tender age of 20
Sage, your memory will live on
You have a special place
Written by: Rose Barbour
http://shadowsinpei.blogspot.ca/2014/05/a-tribute-to-sage-capozzi.html
Daddy, I Love You
By: Rose Barbour
What a precious child
She’s a gift from above
When I first saw her
I fell in love.
On that day I made a promise
To always protect her
She’s my little girl
Oh my God, I love her.
I protected her from bugs
And little worries in her head
I protected her from monsters
Living under the bed.
I fixed bicycles and wagons
Scooters and dolls
I tended to fevers
And the occasional fall.
She was happy and safe
As every little girl should be
The world would be her oyster
Just wait and see.
But there came a day
When things started to change
My little girl became distant
And was acting strange.
She no longer wanted to spend time
Doing the things we enjoyed
She was always in her room
What was wrong? Was it a boy?
I could feel it in my gut
Things just weren’t right
She wouldn’t talk to me
It was always a fight.
One day I found the problem
In a drawer in her room
A bottle of pills...Oh my God
This can’t be true.
No please, not my girl
With such promise and hope
Not my precious girl
Dear God, NO!
Addiction has claimed her
It is scary and real
My sweet little girl
Why can’t you feel?
Let daddy’s arms embrace you
Take away the pain
We can overcome anything
Just trust me again.
Take my hand and let me lead
So that all will be well
Let daddy do his job
And get you out of this hell.
“Daddy, I love you
But this is mine to fix
I need serious help from others
With your love thrown in the
mix.
I am still your little girl
That will never change
I am just lost right now
It is all very strange.
Enough about me
You deserve a good day
Give your mind a rest
And let your worries melt away.
You are the best a girl could ask for
With your loving ways
I will always love you daddy
Happy Father’s Day.”
Dedicated to all the dads on this journey who tend to be quieter, but who hurt just as much.
Written by: Rose Barbour
http://shadowsinpei.blogspot.ca/2014/06/daddy-i-love-you.html
A Tribute to Sage Capozzi
By: Rose Barbour
His name is Sage
And I’ve never met him
But he opened my eyes
To the devastation.
Before I knew his name
Or heard his story
My life was in chaos
And full of worry.
I knew my son was sick
And on the wrong path
I was fighting like crazy
To get him back.
Along came Carmen
Full of grief
He’d lost his son, Sage
To this awful beast.
My heart broke for Carmen
And all the others
Who had to bury their children,
Fathers or mothers.
The reality of addiction
Reduced me to tears
Our children need help now
They don’t have years.
At the tender age of 20
Sage lost his life
Carmen started an Army
To take up the fight.
Sage, your memory will live on
As the Army reaches out
In your name, lives will be
saved
There is no doubt.
You have a special place
Even though we’ve never met
Your death was not in vain
And the fight isn’t over yet!
Written by: Rose Barbour
http://shadowsinpei.blogspot.ca/2014/05/a-tribute-to-sage-capozzi.html
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