Wednesday, 12 March 2014

I love you bean

When your child has an addiction, nothing is normal. The things that are supposed to bring joy to families usually end up bringing stress to yours. This is a story about one of those times....

It all started with a Facebook status from my son’s girlfriend that caught my eye.

“I am so excited”. 

I wondered what it was that was so exciting. Was she getting into detox? Was he?

About an hour later, a status update appeared from my son, “I love you bean.”

My mother’s intuition was working in overdrive. I knew immediately what was going on. She was pregnant. I was sick. Just sick! This can’t be happening. Haven’t we all been through enough?!

I needed to call my best friend, my rock, my husband. I told him, “I am sick to my stomach. I think they are going to have a baby.”

After I filled him in, Mike asked me not to jump to conclusions or go into panic mode until we hear it directly from them.

I couldn’t get it off my mind. I was in stress mode x 1,000.

I received a text from my son, “Are you and dad going to be home tonight? We are going to drop by for a visit.”

Oh dear God! This confirmed it. They were coming to tell us the “exciting” news.

The thought that kept running through my mind is that our son was dealing with an addiction even though he was raised in a home that was drug and alcohol free. What chance would this child have when being raised by two parents who were sick with addiction with no help in sight?

I responded to his text to tell him that I knew exactly why he was coming over, and that I was too upset to talk about it. I needed a day or two to come to terms with it.

He asked what I thought was the reason for his visit, and I told him.

He was shocked that I knew already. “Who told you? I wanted to be the one to tell you.”

He was excited about the baby, which made it hard for him to understand my devastation. I suppose he always dreamed he would get a positive response when he told us that he was going to be a father.

I was so distraught that I couldn’t face him, at least not right away. I cried until I had no tears left. Do you think this was our dream for our child or our grandchild? I think not!

The next day, I was still feeling pretty devastated. Like anything in life, I knew that I would come to terms with this but it killed me to know that an innocent child, who I would love dearly, was going to be born into this world of addiction. A world that was so hard.

His girlfriend sent me a text late in the morning to tell me that she wasn’t pregnant after all. Her home pregnancy test had been wrong. The one from the doctor’s office came back negative!  

I rushed outside to get some fresh air. I couldn’t stop shaking and crying. My emotions went from one extreme to the next in a matter of seconds. Devastation to jubilation. My body was reacting to it.

This is the life of parents with addicted children.


Important note: While it worked out for us this time, many children are born into this type of situation. That’s why it is imperative that the appropriate help is available. When you help an individual battling addiction, you help their whole family, including their precious children.


  1. I've been there but the pregnancy was real! Very stressful time to say the least. We are now raising our grandson who is now 5. He is a joy to us and we do our best but he misses mommy. Something has to be done to help parents to get well so they can raise their children and families can be kept together.

    1. Your grandson is blessed to have you in his life. I wish you all the best and pray that your daughter finds recovery.

  2. I've also been there. I have a beautiful, healthy 2 year old grandson. Sadly he will grow up without his dad, my son, who died of overdose when he was 9 months old. He is being raised by myself, and his mom's dad. I very mistakenly thought this baby would help them both stay clean.

    1. I am so sorry for your loss. Your grandson is very lucky to have devoted grandparents.


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