Sunday 26 May 2013

LOSS and ENABLING


The photo above is so powerful and has so much meaning for parents of addicted children. Only another parent could understand this kind of loss. While we are very grateful that our children are still alive – where there is life, there is hope – our children are lost to us in another way. They look the same but do not act the same – not even close! Sometimes, though, we do get glimpses of the boys and girls we raised. I believe those glimpses are God’s way of telling us to never give up on them. He reminds us that they are still inside fighting a demon (that is how I describe addiction) that is powerful and wants to destroy them. I will NEVER give up on my son. I will NOT let the disease win. 

In this fight, I had to learn as much as possible about addiction. One thing I've learned is that we cannot enable our children. Doing so will give the disease the upper hand.  Click here to read the10 points to stop enabling, recover your sense of control, and hopefully stall your loved one's descent into disaster.

My prayers go out to all the people caught up in this disease and their families. I wish you much strength and love. Please remember, you are not alone in this fight (even though you may feel like it sometimes).

Sincerely,
Rose

3 comments:

  1. Rose you are right...Only a parent who has actually seen the reality of this picture can fully understand the impact...It opened our eyes to the realities of enabling and allowed us to see the writing on the wall..We, and our love, cannot not save our son..Only he can..
    Hugggs

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  2. Rose, I have discovered your website and blogs and find daily readings here very helpful for myself. I have a daughter who I say "Is Lost" and has been for the last four years. It is very difficult to deal with and try to continue with my own life. My husband and I have temporary custody of our grandchildren and they are the main reason our family can try to live each day
    as it should be. So that they have a somewhat normal life. I have learned to accept my daughter
    as she is now not how I want her to be. She has been in the methadone program for the last
    two years but she has still found ways to use and abuse this to the point where she was almost
    released from the program. I believe she is finally clean and working but I never know the full truth until sometimes it is too late. She will never be able to live in our home again , there is too much tension and loss of trust for that. We have tried so many times thinking things were getting better but we were blinded by her lies and half truths. I hope they she can find her way and be able to make a life for herself and her children someday but the long time use of opiates has poisoned her brain and body and it is very difficult for her to take care of herself never mind the daily stress of looking after her children.
    I have not taken the step for any kind of therapy for myself as I am working full time and trying to be a wife, mother and grandmother all at the same time. This blog has really helped me to
    "Stay in the Day" and live life the best I can. Thank you Rose

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    Replies
    1. I am so glad that you found my blog and that it brings you some comfort in this crazy world of addiction. I pray that your daughter is on the right track and stays on it. Your grandchildren are so fortunate that you are able to give them some security until mom is in a better place. Take care of yourself, too, and get the help that you need. Mt. Herbert offers a good family program where you'll learn more about the disease of addiction. My husband and I found that helpful in gaining an understanding of what we were dealing with. It was the first step we took in our journey to healing. I wish you the best of luck with everything.

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