Wednesday 17 July 2013

I am the Mother of an Addict

 

I recently came across this beautiful poem in a Facebook group called Winning the Fight! (WTF). The author, a mom named Debbie, tells the story of so many of us. We are never alone in this very difficult journey (even though it may feel like it sometimes). 

I am the Mother of an Addict
By: dfdwilkins
 

This is not like being the mother of a child with cancer, diabetes, or aids
This is not like being the mother of a child who is serving with honor in a foreign land
This is not like being the mother of a child who lives no more and is mourned by all

I am the Mother of an Addict
There are no marathons or fund raisers for this disease, no sweet girls selling cookies
There are no flags flying, or bumper stickers to proudly acknowledge my child's deeds
There are only tears and silent screams, dread of what the next knock or phone call brings

I am the Mother of an Addict
I see my child and I am not glad, for though I ache to save my child, with relief I let them go
I see my child with fear and suspicion, as I hear all they say and I can but endlessly hope
I see my child and wonder will I ever know them again, hold them again, see them again

I am the Mother of an Addict
They say it is not my fault, that I did nothing wrong, there's little I can do
They say it is not my child's fault, just a disease of disgrace, with no pity, no cure
They say be strong, but my life stands still and my friends and relatives move on

I am the Mother of an Addict
I watch the rest of my family suffer with sorrow and pain through the addiction
I watch the evening news and cringe as another mothers addict child is arrested and called scum
I watch a young man beg for change, for food and know he could be my own

I am the Mother of an Addict
I remember the smiles and look at pictures of my sweet little child
I remember the hugs, and kisses, the scrapped knees, the soccer games
I remember their plans, their goals, their hopes and dreams.

I am the Mother of an Addict
I look for child to come home, to call, and so I do not sleep
I look for my child to find the strength to battle this terrible disease
I look for solace, for help, for a cure and I grasp at what straws of promise I can.

I am the Mother of an Addict
And I hope, in endless hope for future free from drugs
And I hope in restless sleep of a way out of this nightmare
And I hope, and I pray, and I cry, and I plead, but always,
I love my child.

http://shadowsinpei.blogspot.ca/2013/07/i-am-mother-of-addict.html

29 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing this beautiful poem. I too am the mother of an addict... in fact, I am the mother of two addicted children. There are times it is overwhelming. This poem says it all.

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    1. You are welcome! It is overwhelming for sure. Only another parent knows what it is like, which is why the mom who wrote the poem can speak what is in our hearts. I wish you and your children all the best.

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  2. U read this poem everyday and cry. It is exactly the truth that this person writes about. My daughter is back in Charlottetown again, she is on methadone but has caused some problems
    and they have reduced her dosage and she has to prove that she is committed to following the program. She has not seen her two children very much since early spring and it is very sad.
    Our family has been dealing with this for four years and it does not seem to change from day to day. Your blog has given my great strength to carry on everyday and take care of myself so I
    can take care of the rest of my family and my own life. It is hard but I am getting stronger
    everyday. It is great to know that we are not alone . Thank you for sharing. And I will keep reading daily.

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    1. Addiction is a family disease that affects every member of the family. There are many so many families here on the Island dealing with this. You are certainly not alone. I am so happy to hear that you are finding strength through my blog. Always remember that "You didn't cause it. You can't control it. You can't cure it." I pray that your daughter will get the level of help that she needs.

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  3. I am Debbie. I am the mother that shared this on my friends Winning the Fight facebook page. I hope all mothers can read and know that you are not alone. Peace and blessings along with hope to each of you

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    1. Debbie, this poem is very powerful and resonates with so many families who are going through this. Thank you for putting our feelings into words. Peace, blessings and hope to you as well. xo

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    2. Conversation started today
      Bonita
      11:25am
      Bonita
      Hello, my name is Bonita. I came across a poem written by Debbie(?), "I am the Mother of an Addict". I would very much like to get written permission to read and share this poem at our support groups and church. I'm a Technical Writer and understand "plagiarism". I would honor, respect and clearly state the Author's name, and give proper credit to the Author, in whatever form they chose; first name only or first and last name, etc. Please let me know asap as I would like to share this poem at our next meeting and at church. Thank you for your time and consideration of my request.
      Sincerely,
      Bonita, Mother of an addict and Grandmother raising Grandchildren
      bkshreve@gmail.com

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    3. Uniquely yours, thank you for your post. It is a wonderful poem. I do not know Debbie. The link to the "Winning the Fight" Facebook group is above in the blog entry. You can try finding Debbie through that group. Her friend is an administrator of the group, I believe. Just say you are looking for Debbie who wrote the "I am the mother of an addict" poem.

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    4. Thanks for your prompt reply. I "Liked" the Winning the Fight group/page and did send them a private message. Then I saw your post and thought I had the original author of the poem. Thanks for the info and your time. Blessings, Bonita (Uniquely Yours)

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  4. I am the mother of an addict, and an addict myself so I have seen the devastation from both sides, but watching your child relive your life as an addict is unbareable sometimes..God give me strength to deal with this disease again in my mirror image. Only another in the same position can understand the silent helpfulness we go threw on a daily hourly minute basis..my heart goes out to you all prayers to you and to me...

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    1. I am sorry you are going through this as well. I pray everyday for those who are addicted and their families. May you and your child find the strength and support you need to get through this.

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  5. Thank you for writing exactly how I feel. But always, I have hope for my son. And no matter what, I love him unconditionally and always.

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    1. Yes, this mom truly captures how we all feel! Never give up hoping or loving. I always say, "where there is life, there is hope.". Our children need us now more than ever. We just have to make sure that we are loving them in a healthy way. The disease of addiction is callous and will use anyone in its way. We have to make sure that we are helping our children to get better, not the disease to get stronger. Take care.

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    2. Thank you so much for your reply. It's always difficult, wondering whether you are helping them or hindering them and knowing where to draw the line. I think the love we have for our children can blur the boundaries. All we can do is get support from each other, pray and hope that we are doing the right thing. Prayers to everyone here.

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  6. The author is dfdwilkins of The Addict's Mom. Another Group on Facebook.

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  7. I read that poem and just wept. My son is about to be 20 and in rehab for the 3 rd time this year. I'm a ball of emotions. He was living in a half way house. This time he relapsed big. Idk where to turn. I haven't even told my family what happened this time. I'd like to share that poem on Facebook. How do I do that? At a loss right now and sinking quickly

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    1. You can share the blog page by copying and pasting the URL or you can copy and paste the poem, including the title and author listed above.

      At least your son is in rehab. That is positive. One day at a time.

      I post from the Nar-Anon (for the loved ones of addicts) daily reader everyday. I find them helpful. You might as well. You can find them to the right of the screen with today's date.

      Take care!

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  8. Please don't give up!

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  9. It is hard to love someone with addiction but it may save their lives. Connections are so important.

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    1. Yes, they are! Thanks for commenting.

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  10. My only child (son) has been an addict for 3 years. I work in LE as a dispather, I hear the cries of a parent for help with their child so many times. I pray for my son's life and soul to be touched, see the pain and damage his sickness has put in our family. It's so hard. He has been in and out of treatment, jail, and jsc. It's so painful to take that call. But at least he's still alive. Your poem is so spot on. The hurt, pain, regrets, feeling lost and you have no more control on how to help or even save your child. I pray for everyone that's has an addict child, they find peace with them selves. This choice was made by our children's freewill. But we are the ones that hurt, cry and suffer for their illness. God bless each of you.

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    1. I'm so sorry to hear that your family has been touched by addiction as well. It is a tough journey. People can and do recover. Please don't lose hope. xoxo

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  11. My son has been clean for 21 months now but chased the needle for 16 years! Many of my family members do not speak to me as a result. I never gave up on him but had to push him away. I am absolutely amazed at the person he is now! Do NOT give up hope!

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    1. What great news about your son! There is always hope. We must never give up. :)

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  12. My son is now 39 and has been an addict since he was 15 years old. He has been in many rehab programs, counseling, mental hospitals, jail and prison so many times now I quit counting. He has psychotic disorders, has been suicidal, has over dosed and been stabbed all in the name of drugs. His only and longest time he has been sober is 4 years which ended a year and half ago. I use to be an enabler and now I'm not. What I have learned is that I have to love him from a distance. I'm there for him but I will not enable his drug use. It's the hardest thing for a mother to do but the only way I will survive. I pray for him daily.

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    1. It is a very difficult journey. My prayers to you, your son and your family that he finds recovery soon.

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  13. My son is now 39 and has been an addict since he was 15 years old. He has been in many rehab programs, counseling, mental hospitals, jail and prison so many times now I quit counting. He has psychotic disorders, has been suicidal, has over dosed and been stabbed all in the name of drugs. His only and longest time he has been sober is 4 years which ended a year and half ago. I use to be an enabler and now I'm not. What I have learned is that I have to love him from a distance. I'm there for him but I will not enable his drug use. It's the hardest thing for a mother to do but the only way I will survive. I pray for him daily.

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  14. I have lost 2 sons to addiction only 7 months apart and now my only son left is doing the same thing, I'm tired I don't know what to do anymore :(

    Mum of 2 angels

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    1. Jenny, I cannot imagine the pain of what you've gone through and continue to go through after already losing two sons. It would be beyond exhausting, which is why I hope that you have a good support group/network. It is so important to surround yourself with people who understand. Only another parent who has experienced a child's addiction can truly understand. There are many of us out there so keep looking until you find a group that works for you. Sending you love and hugs. xo

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