Sunday 24 November 2013

The Day Our Son Was Missing


Have you ever felt the fear of not knowing where your child is? The pain of not knowing whether he is dead or alive? We have, and it was one of the worst days of our lives. Our then 19-year-old son had been missing for more than 24 hours and not one person had seen him.

The nightmare started with a text message from his girlfriend around 6:00 pm asking if we’d heard from him.

Me: Not since yesterday. Why?

Girlfriend: We had a big fight last night and now I can’t reach him.

Me: Did you try his cell phone?

Girlfriend: Yes, he isn’t answering.

Me: Maybe he is just upset with you. I will call him.

I try to call and text him several times over the next half hour but there is no answer.

I call his girlfriend back and ask her to call around to see if any of his friends have seen him and I’d do the same.

I contact everyone I could think of and not one person had seen him since the night before when he was spotted walking down the Avenue alone around 10 pm.

I let his girlfriend know what I found out, praying that she had better news. She didn’t. Not one of his friends had seen him.

Panic set it.

I keep calling his phone. Nothing.

I call the police station to see if he is there. He isn’t and they hadn’t seen him at all.

I call the hospital to see if anyone matching his description came in (dead or alive). Due to the privacy laws, they can’t tell me anything but promise to give him my message if he is there. I know he will call me immediately if he gets the message. Nothing.

Mike takes a drive around town to see if he can find him. I wait by the phone. Nothing.

I post a message on Facebook to see if anyone has seen him. Nothing.

By midnight, we still haven’t heard from him. I am in tears. Where could he be?

Mike tries to comfort me, but we both know that this is really out of character for our son who always stays in touch. I am scared. It doesn’t look good. He had a bad fight with his girlfriend and he is at a bad point with his addiction. A terrible combination. Now, he is missing.

I get down on my knees and pray and cry and pray and cry. I eventually fall asleep (if you could call it that) with a broken, worried heart.

We get up early the next day to get things ready to file a missing person’s report with the police department. I cry as I look at his photos and pray some more.

I hear from a few friends who saw my Facebook posting. They offer to contact some other friends to see if they’d seen him. Nothing.

We plan to file the missing person's report and then go check along the Hillsborough River and other waterways to see if we can find him. We are heartbroken. At this point in time, it is getting hard for Mike to be the strong one. It isn’t looking good.

As we turn onto Kirkwood Drive, where the police station is located, my phone rings. It is OUR SON! I have never been so glad to hear anyone’s voice in my whole life. In tears, I ask, “WHERE ARE YOU?”

Very innocently, he said, “I am at the hospital. Why? What’s wrong?”

It turns out that our son was feeling suicidal the night he went missing. Instead of jumping off the Hillsborough Bridge, which had entered his mind, he decided to turn left and continue on to the hospital to get help. I am so thankful they did not turn him away!  Instead, they took really good care of him for as long as he needed it.

When I called the hospital looking for him, the person I spoke to had only checked the emergency room records for that day/night, not the admitting records from the previous night. This is why he didn’t get my message.

We were so grateful that our son was alive and well. We were also grateful for the care that he was given at the hospital. I am not sure why it worked out for him that particular night (it wasn’t the norm for addicts), but we are glad that it did!

While this type of scare can happen to anyone, these things happen more often when your child is addicted to drugs. Our loved ones are at a higher risk of death than other people their own age. It is our sad reality. It is our constant worry.

We can eliminate a lot of stress on Island families by providing meaningful and timely treatment for addiction. This will prevent the disease from escalating to the level where the person is suicidal, committing crimes, etc. 

The recent investment in Addictions Services will certainly save lives but there is a lot more to be done. We cannot take this lightly. There is too much on the line, including the lives of people like my son who deserve the chance to get well.  Today, it is my son, tomorrow it could be yours.  Let’s stand together and support addicts and their families in finding the road to recovery.

Sincerely,
Rose

16 comments:

  1. I can relate,Rose.We went through the same thing.Thank you for all you do for the many people that read your blog.God Bless!!! :)

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    1. Thank you so much! It is not an easy journey. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

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  2. No more committees no more shelving no more stalling with 2 possibly 3 suicides in the last weeks it is time to ACT Lets not have any more suicides due to lack of facilities or Doctors PLEASE It could be your family member in distress and I hope there will be a place for help. in the very very near future

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    1. There have been 6 suicides in the Charlottetown area since September. Action is long overdue.

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    2. You are right! Everyone should be concerned about this issue because it could happen to their loved ones and, if it does, they'll want to make sure the help is there.

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  3. You had mentioned, " I am not sure why it worked out for him that particular night (it wasn’t the norm for addicts), but we are glad that it did!" The very reason this happened is because you prayed and God listened. Please pray for him even when he's not in immediate danger, pray for a recovery everyday. Ask in the Lords Name and you will have it. Promise. My mother was an addict one time and my father was a drunk. It got serious. I got onto my knees and said, "Oh Lord, heal my parents because I love them so much!!" They didn't know I prayed. My father came drove home again drunk, my mother forced him into detox, but she made a connection. A week after my father was sober, my mother left to detox on the advice of the connection and in 3 weeks, she was clean. God healed my parents in just 1 month. Please, God love you and your family and He urges you to pray daily through this world of sorry and grief. I have prayed for you just now.

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    1. Thank you for your prayer. I believe in the power of prayer so it means a lot to me. My faith is what gets me through this journey.

      I am so glad that both of your parents have found recovery. That is wonderful.

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  4. You had mentioned, " I am not sure why it worked out for him that particular night (it wasn’t the norm for addicts), but we are glad that it did!" The very reason this happened is because you prayed and God listened. Please pray for him even when he's not in immediate danger, pray for a recovery everyday. Ask in the Lords Name and you will have it. Promise. My mother was an addict one time and my father was a drunk. It got serious. I got onto my knees and said, "Oh Lord, heal my parents because I love them so much!!" They didn't know I prayed. My father came drove home again drunk, my mother forced him into detox, but she made a connection. A week later, my father was sober, my mother left to detox as soon as he got back on the advice of the connection and in 3 weeks, she was clean. God healed my parents in just 1 month. Please, God loves you and your family and He urges you to pray daily through this world of sorry and grief. I have prayed for you just now.

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  5. I understand. I lost a son in law through suicide and for a period last year, our son went missing under similar circumstances and a cryptic note.. That feeling of doom and panic is awful. Thankful that he was OK.

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    1. I am sorry to hear about your son in law. Very tragic. It is an awful feeling to not know where they are and if they are okay. We were so grateful to get the call from him. Some poor families are not so lucky.

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  6. Your son is very lucky to have such loving, understanding, and supportive parents. So many parents have given up and lost hope with their children when they become addicted and it is so sad. I cannot imagine how a child/teen/young adult would ever get the help they need without the love and support of their family. Praying for you and your family.

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    1. You are very kind to say that, thank you. The thing is that it is a crazy time for parents. You don't know if you're coming or going because you are so distraught about your child's addiction. You try to fix it but nothing seems to work. You get conflicting messages from professionals, which doesn't help. For instance, you are told that you have to use tough love. When you don't take that route and you fight for your child to get help, you are told that your child is very lucky to have parents who haven't given up. The system needs a lot of work for the people who are addicted and their families. It is the only way we can began to turn this thing around. I really appreciate your comment. Thank you!

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  7. May God bless you and your son and family.Addiction can lead to so much heartache and tragedy.As a mother I am so worried for my son with whom addiction has caused him to be someone he is not.I love him so much,and right now all I have is prayer and hope.Please pray for him.

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    1. I am so sorry to hear that your family is dealing with this too. I hope that it gives you a little bit of hope to know that my son is now in recovery and has been for over a month. You can read about it in my post called "Flowers of Hope: Our Son's Recovery". I pray every night for addicts and their families. I will definitely say a special prayer for your son. Please take good care of yourself too. You won't be any good to your son if you get sick yourself. I post from the Nar-Anon (for the loved ones of addicts) daily reader everyday on this blog. You will find it to the right of the page. Please come back each day to read them. It really helps.

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  8. Thank you so much for your response.Knowing that one is not alone in this situation means so much.I am a very strong person and will never give up on my boy . Thank you for directing me to Nar-Anon.

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    1. You are most welcome. I wish you and your son all the best.

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