Feeling blessed

I truly forgot what it felt like to have peace of mind. It feels good. It feels really good.

The last five years have been so hard for our family…

Our son was caught up in an addiction that progressed to the worst level possible...

We watched his health deteriorate right before our eyes as he became a skeleton with sunken eyes...

We ran into roadblocks every step of the way in trying to get help for him...

Our son had a disease that was treatable but there was little to no treatment available for it...

Our son (and many others like him) was crying out for help but no one was listening...

We had to resort to calling politicians (the first time in our lives) to beg for help. There is very little patient confidentiality with addiction as addicted Islanders and their parents have to do whatever they can to get help...

There was so much silence around the disease of addiction that it was deafening...

To add to our heartbreak, we would read anonymous comments in newspaper articles referring to my son and others like him as “druggies” as if he wasn’t even a fellow human being with value...

We would also read anonymous comments like “where are the parents?”, “parents need to parent”, “parents need to set good examples”, “parents need to stop expecting the taxpayers to pay the price for their poor parenting”, etc. as if we – and others trying to survive this heartbreaking journey – were bad parents who deserved what we were getting...

We were frustrated that our son had a disease that no one understood. A stigmatized disease. A cruel disease. A disease that everyone thought they were an expert on even though they never took the time to really learn about it...

We were saddened as our son’s life-savings (earned through paper routes where half his pay was saved for education and half for a car) was handed over to drug dealers when they came to collect...

We sat helplessly by as he was arrested...

We visited courtrooms wondering how the heck a member of our family ended up here...

We felt frustration when his sentencing included getting treatment for his addiction, even though he had already tried to get it and was turned down...

We saw our son in shackles being led to and from a court room...

In jail, we talked to our son from behind a glass using a phone. We couldn’t even hug our son...

I cried more tears then any mother should ever have to, and we carried more stress than we ever thought possible...

Life goes on no matter what you are dealing with or how you are feeling. During the past five years, we’ve had tremendous loss including my grandmother, my grandfather, my uncle, three young cousins, friends, and, most recently, my dear brother who died two months shy of his 40^th birthday... 

When I look back now, I wonder how we got through it all in one piece! It reminds me of Mother Teresa’s quote, “I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.”

 

Now that our son is better, my mind feels free. For the first time in a very long time, I feel at peace. I no longer think about my son dying. I no longer feel worry. I feel happiness. True happiness. I feel like a big load has been lifted and I can do anything. I feel free. I feel grateful. I feel alive.

Our son feels better too. He is so happy to have his life back. The kind, caring and generous person we raised is back, much to our delight.

Because I am so proud to be seeing our son’s upbringing shining through, I’ll end this post with one heartwarming example of his compassion for others. It certainly shows the human potential that is lost when we leave addiction untreated.  There are so many others like him who need us to look past the addiction to the person who is lost inside.

He and his girlfriend were standing in line to order at a coffee shop in Montague. There were three teenage boys ahead of them. The first two boys ordered Iced Capps and donuts while the third boy ordered a glass of water.

Our son assumed that the last boy was ordering water because he didn’t have any money.  He felt sorry for him so quickly came up with a plan to give him money without embarrassing him. 

He reached into his pocket where he had $3. He tapped the kid on the shoulder and told him that he found the money on the floor and was wondering if it was his. The kid said that it wasn’t. My son said, “Well, I don’t want it. You can have it”.  The kid gladly took the money and our son ordered his green tea and left.

Yes, our beautiful son is back!

Feeling ever so grateful for our blessing, and living one day at a time,

Rose