Handcuffs

As someone who has experienced addiction first-hand in my family, and who tries to offer support to others who are devastated by it, I am always grateful to hear stories of recovery. These stories provide hope to those still in the grips of addiction because they show that recovery is possible.

Treatment and recovery look different for each person. What works for one will not work for someone else. It matters not how they found recovery. What matters is that they have their lives back and their loved ones have them back.

Unfortunately, not everyone feels the same way that I do. Some are very opinionated, especially when it comes to such things as addiction medications. Everyone is entitled to an opinion, for sure, but it gets dangerous and very sad when their opinions lead to stigma and judgment of another person’s recovery. I find this heartbreaking.

I am a member of many online addictions support groups. Recently, someone posted a sign in one of the groups that clearly had an anti-addiction medications (i.e. Methadone and Suboxone) message. The member was looking to generate lots of support for his negative views on these medications. Oh, and the people did not disappoint. They laughed about these medications as if they were a joke. 

During the negative exchange, a young woman spoke up to say that she was on Suboxone and it saved her life. She was working and living again and was very grateful for that. That wasn’t good enough for these people, though. A couple of them even argued with her and questioned whether or not she was even in recovery.  I was heartbroken for her so I came to her defence.

When speaking up for her, one of the things that I mentioned was how a lot of people that I know had tried 12-step programs but relapsed. These individuals are still using, in jail or dead. I asked if we were going to start saying that the 12-steps don’t work. The members were silent.

My point was that what works for some, will not work for all. There is not a program out there that has a 100% success rate. That is why we need as many options as possible. We have to stop judging things that are really none of our business. Another person’s method of recovery is NONE of our business.

I couldn’t help but think of how that young woman must have felt after that exchange. Here she had been feeling so good about life. I can imagine that the attacks had made her feel bad. Bad enough to relapse? I don’t know! What were they trying to accomplish by attacking her recovery option?

If you are someone who has negative views about addiction medications and openly express them, what are you trying to accomplish? When you express these negative views, you stigmatize a whole group of people who have found recovery with Methadone or Suboxone. Why? Shouldn’t we just celebrate that these people have their lives back? Isn’t that what matters? Shouldn’t we spend our time trying to help those still suffering?

What compelled me to write this particular post today is the heartbreaking conversation that I had with another mother recently. Her son was a hard-core user of drugs for many years before getting on the Methadone program. He tried in the past to find recovery without addiction medications, but couldn’t do it.

On the Methadone program, he started living again. He went to meetings regularly. He reconnected with family and was working. He was feeling good about life. Everyone was happy to have him back. All was well. His family began to heal.

Over time, he began to feel the pressure to come off of Methadone. It seems that people can tolerate you being on it for a certain amount of time but then the silent (and sometimes not so silent) pressure starts. He felt stigmatized. He was reluctant to mess with things because life was going so good, but he felt coming off of Methadone was something that he needed to try.

Some people refer to Methadone as “liquid handcuffs” so this young man wanted to get rid of them. He began the process of weaning off of the medications. His life quickly went off the rails again because he wasn’t ready. He may never have been ready but so what! Now, his liquid handcuffs have been replaced by real ones. He is currently sitting in a jail cell looking at 7 years.

This is where stigma leads. When we judge others and make them feel inadequate in their recovery, it forces them to do something that they may not be ready for. This has to stop! When (or if) a person stops taking addiction medications is between them and their doctors – not the rest of us. It is none of our business.

I ask each of you to please start celebrating every person’s recovery. Whatever works is what we need to support. After all, the biggest handcuff of all is stigma. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Sincerely,

Rose

PS: I dedicate this post to all people in recovery, regardless of what your recovery looks like. It is not easy to recover. In fact, many people die because they can’t get there. Congratulations on finding what works for you. That is wonderful!

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